Saying Goodbye

Is there anything more painful than watching a loved one die a slow, painful death? Without an understanding of God's trials and His corresponding mercy I think it would be unbearable.

In my life I've been blessed to have very little experience with death. My maternal grandfather died when I was 11. I didn't know him very well but it was still painful. That was an especially trying experience in that it was juxtaposed with the joy of my aunt's wedding the same weekend. The most grief that I have experienced was for my beloved companion, Gladys, when she was put down almost three years ago. Spending every day for 17 years with something you have loved and cared for, it's hard to let go.

Growing up I only knew my grandparents from a distance; they lived in Oklahoma and we visited only once or twice a year. So when we moved my grandmothers to Coeur d'Alene, for the first time in my life I really got to know them. I especially got to know my maternal grandmother as she lived across the driveway in her own little home. It was rather odd to become to intimately acqainted with this woman whom I loved but had never really known that well. Perhaps that is the most painful part of saying goodbye: the closer you are to someone, the harder it is to let go. If I had never lived near my grandmother, I would have mourned her, but not as much as the grandmother that I visited with several times a week and knew so much better.

In the brochure on dying that Hospice gave us, the author states that you observe someone's true character during the death experience. If this is true, then my grandmother is a woman of remarkable character. Her caretakers love her and her family already misses her. Watching her suffer is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. We would rather take on the pain ourselves than watch our loved ones in agony. When Grandma finally passes away, which is probably imminent, I will grieve and it will be very painful. But praise God that in His infinite mercy we have hope that we will see each other again in a much better place.

"Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God." Romans 6:8-10

Brad Paisley's latest single, "When I Get Where I'm Going" is particularly poingant at this moment in my life. The lyrics have encouraged me:

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly
I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

(Chorus:) Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

(Chorus)

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do
But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going